Dear Diary,...

Dear Diary,
today I learned that it isn't possible to flee from memories. You have to live with them, even though surrendering would be easier.

Once upon a time... and then they lived happily ever after. Fairy tales, the stuff of dreams. The problem is, fairy tales don't come true. It's the other stories, the ones that begin with dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. It's the nightmares that always seem to become reality.
Once upon a time, happier ever after. The stories we tell are the stuff of dreams. Fairy tales don't come true. Reality is much stormier. Much murkier. Much scarier.

Dear Diary,...
there are the most different moments when you notice "the scales falling from your eyes". Those moments... bad grades at school, arguments with friends or family.
Sometimes there are mundane situations, otherwhile there are drastic moments - depending on the individual. Even the point of time can be endlessly different... you never know, what will happen.

The scales fell from my eyes. I haven't thought about a lot. It just happened.

For a long time I knew I don't wanna be me! I wanna be different and I knwo who this "me" is.
Asking me for a inspiring example... Victoria Beckham, because of her body and look. Nicole Richie, because of her body and look. Olivia Palermo, because of her body and look. Rather the same. But there are others who I admire.

My friend C. is one of those.
On the surface she's like me. Really. She's my hight, she's my age! Just her body... it's what I'm trying to reach.
I wanna be like her and I'm sure I can achieve this aim!

Dear Diary, today the scales fell from my eyes - and now I'm going to be a different person!

Back from the Capital

I'm glad to be back at home! Just a few hours ago I arrived at the station! My boyfriend picked me up! Than we nipped into his grandma's and fetched our little dog!
He was so happy to see me, I think. Oh, he's such a cute puppy... <3

Berlin is a great city. I spent some holidays there before but my heart is still beating for this town! It's so huge, exciting and fascinating! Just great! Especially when it comes to clothes...
Those people there are inspiring! Unfortunately we weren't able to take many "street-style" pictures! Anyways...

Eating-wise it went pretty much... acceptable. Breakfast was good all the time - granary bread and topping! We mostly had lunch outside, so everybody could eat what they want! Dinner was planned thusly: first evening it was my turn. I cooked fisch with fruits. The second and third evening were my friends turn, so I tried to have small servings... okay!
Nevertheless I start a new try tomorrow!

I'm glad to be back to start regular blogging! Looking forward to read your latest posts tomorrow!
Stay strong!

Looking in the mirror...

Sanctuary...

Oh wow! I just stopped by, bored waiting for my boyfriend who'll take me to the station, and I find three comments. Haven't expected that, but I'm pleased! :)

As I promised myself when I started this blog I'll reply to everyone!

Thanks, Angela, for posting this comment on the first entry. It's not the rule that "anti-Ana's" post comments including their name! As you may read I'm already suffering for 7 years so not "letting it get to me" isn't that easy as it may seems. The ED is not only a "diet". Unfortunately it's a lot more! Rather it is: beeing obsessed, beeing insecure, beeing alone with myself and above all: beeing ill. Put simply: it is an addiction!
If I COULD, I'd love to "try to be slender and healthy", but it isn't that easy...
You're right, I'm young. And maybe I can recover, I wont deny that... but you have to pay attention to the term of beei'ng ill...
Those years won't make it easier!
Nevertheless: thank you so much for feeling for me!

Yes, I'm german, Elegant! Thanks for the comment, I'll visit your blog too! Maybe before going to Berlin, depends on how long my boyfriend stays at work! ;)

Imperfections, be sure: there are lots of beautiful pic following!


Back to th day!
Went home frome school just 2 hours ago! The last transactions before getting on the train to our beautiful capital! I'm so looking forward to that! <3 style="font-weight: bold;">W: 49.2kg (19.71BMI)
I: 1 salad (200); 1 little wrap (187); 1,5l water (0)

Now I'm waiting for my boyfriend to come home. He'll take me to the station where I'll meet my friend!
Hope you're still following when I'm back in town - with beautiful pictures of the city and maybe new thinspos! ;)
Meanwhile: something beautiful!

Stay strong! XOXO

Countdown started...

Today I desperately noticed my weight gains. Again 0.3kg more!
I can't stand this anymore. It's horrible!
Where is the strength and my will?!
So I try to restart. I do it like I did before, and I'll win the game!

W: 49.3kg (19.75BMI)

Now I have to pack my bag for the short journey to Berlin tomorrow!
So, tomorrow I'm off for at least 5 days.
Stay Strong!